Wait Till Your Daddy Gets Home


November 17, 2011 by themommahen


I don’t know about you, but in our house (okay, technically my parents’ house now) all hell breaks loose roughly between 4:30 and 6:30, with mayhem continuing until the last bedtime. I say the last bedtime because there are days that each Hatchling gets their own bedtime. No, I don’t plan it that way, and yes, I understand that if I could just move up the bedtime of H#1 and #2 and stretch the time for #3 to make them meet in the middle, it would work out perfectly. Well folks, perfect don’t live here anymore.

What we have here is real world, which means some most evenings, after H#3 has showered me with compliments on my cooking, (and by showered me with compliments, I mean thrown all his food and milk at me and on the floor) he begins scream-honking from his high chair around 6:00. What’s that? You don’t know what I mean by scream-honking? I mean exactly that. He makes a noise like a car honking, but he screams it. And if we’re lucky, he holds the tone/note/noise out and trills it up the scale so high it makes our ears stop up. Of course, this begins smack-dab in the middle of H#1 and #2’s supper, aka table playtime. What’s that? You don’t know what I mean by table playtime? Well, it’s technically called supper (In the South. Dinner if you’re north of the Mason-Dixon line.) but for a 5yo and 3yo who haven’t seen each other for most of the day, it’s play time.

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”


“Beef who?”



“Do you know what I learned today?”


“Superheroes? When they come to a brick wall like this?” (Getting up to touch the wall for those who don’t know what a wall is.) “They can just go THROUGH it like THIS!” (Slapping said wall with her hand covered in whatever is on her plate.)


“Mommy? Mommy? Mommmmmyyyyyyyy!!!”


“Do you know what she learned today?”


“Superheroes? When they come to a brick wall like this?” (Getting up to touch the wall in case I STILL don’t know what a wall is.) “They can just go THROUGH it like THIS!” (Slapping aforementioned wall with his hand covered in whatever is on his plate.)

Invariably it’s this point that the scream-honking has commenced, which means the other two Hatchlings, not to be outdone, start yell-talking, and since they can’t hear me over both the scream-honking and their own yell-talking, they have to get up to be closer to me while continuing to yell-talk louder and louder. Also invariably, it is this point that The Husband walks in, exhausted from his day, infuriated by his one-hour-each-way-unless-there’s-an-accident-and-there-always-is-so-let’s call-it-an-hour-and-a-half commute, and excited to see his family. Until he sees his family. Two yell-talking, wall-slapping, standing-up, food-in-their-mouths crazed kids; one scream-honking, food-throwing, head-banging, tear-spurting crazed baby (the tears start when he’s not allowed to grab The Husband’s tie with his grubby hands), and one patience-losing, stern-talking, food-and-milk-wearing, shower-and-makeup-needing wife. I swear he thinks I’ve lost all control, he assumes I’ve lost my ever-loving mind and I know he wonders what the HELL I do all day that allows things to get to this point.

To his credit, he hasn’t walked back out the door. Yet.


4 thoughts on “Wait Till Your Daddy Gets Home

  1. Anonymous says:

    Pretty much the same here everyday. Aaron, the 5 yo, does most of the throwing and noise making these days and that sets lil miss Shiloh into action. The older two do not know what we were thinking when we had more children. Rick has an hour drive as well and I use to think he wondered what the hell I did all day and how things got to that point but believe me~they know~and I don’t think they would trade anything. Makeup and a shower, what is that! This will all pass and one day they will be grown and we will wonder what ever happen to the good ole days and we can wear all the makeup we want and have our latte and our adult beverages in peace and we can take all the showers and bubble baths we want. Hopefully we will be blessed to see our grandchildren and love our children going through these days. So for now just Enjoy and love the hubby and give it all you got mama. You are awesome! If it gets too out of control just strap them in the car, turn on the music and go for a ride, sometimes that is good for everyone, sometimes I look forward to the carseats….LOL Love ya!

  2. Larisa Spillman says:

    So glad to know I'm not alone! Harris Teeter trip soon!

  3. Anonymous says:

    I’m sorry, but I’m rolling on the floor laughing my head off here. (yes, I took the time to write it out so you’d get the idea it wasn’t a short roll… or a short laugh!)

    Seriously, there has to be a better way… I’d have long since lost it myself. No yelling at the table! And if you splatter one more thing on my wall, YOU get to wash it! Hmph!


    Result: zero sum game. Sigh.

    Good luck, and hang in there: judging by the pics, in a year or two things will settle down.

  4. Larisa Spillman says:

    Thanks for stopping by Jaguwar — glad you enjoyed it. And yes, I’m sure there’s a better way. And if you ask The Husband, he’ll tell you that if it was him, it would be that way!

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